Making the holidays easier: support and tips for carers

The holidays can bring extra stress for mental health carers, especially if the services your person relies on are closed. While everyone is dealing with the usual summer holiday celebrations (and stress), you may find yourself juggling more organising, bigger emotions and more crisis moments than usual. Add in financial, time and family pressures and it’s easy to feel stretched. So how do you look after yourself and the person you care for when a supposedly joyful time feels overwhelming?

The good news? You don’t have to go through it alone. Arafmi’s 24/7 Carer Support Line is open every day, including public holidays (call 1300 554 660 or 1800 351 881 from Regional Queensland). We can also offer one-on-one support, depending on staff availability and we’re always happy to be part of your end-of-year wellness plan (more on that soon).

Another way we support carers during this time is through our End-of-Year Preparation for Carers workshop. Ben, one of our Carer Support Team members, has been running this workshop for the past two years. He helps carers plan for tricky social situations, practise responses to hard questions and build in small moments of rest and kindness for themselves, things that make a real difference when the holidays feel intense.

We spoke to Ben to understand why this workshop is so important and to share his useful tips to support yourself and the person you care for during the holidays.

Why is it important to have a workshop like this for carers?

The end-of-year holiday period can have a big impact on the mental and emotional health of carers, their families and the people they support.

“For everyone, it’s the emotional impact that this time of year can bring – tension, stress, family members you haven’t seen all year, your uncle you don’t want to see and all that kind of stuff,” Ben explains.  

He points to a list of additional pressures, especially on your finances and your time.

“Everything takes a lot longer… if you go to the shops, there are a lot more people and people are on edge. And if you’re working, your office might close over Christmas, so …you have to finalise all of that [work].” 

Then there’s pressure to attend catch-ups and family get-togethers, which can be laden with extra stress. Ben explains that some people in caring roles choose to withdraw socially, feeling they simply can’t participate because of the mental health issues of the person they provide care for. But that can lead to isolation and loneliness for the carer, at a time when togetherness with loved ones is emphasised.

Ben also hears from carers about other challenges at this time of year including: looking back on the past year, which can bring up grief or difficult memories; potential over-indulgence, like alcohol or drug use at gatherings; emotional distress, especially in crowded or noisy places, and fatigue from travel, heat and disrupted sleep.

What does it mean for people in caring roles when services are closed? 

When services close over the holidays, carers can find themselves without the support that helps their person manage day to day. This can be especially challenging for people who don’t have NDIS packages and rely on community mental health services.

 “Not having that support for two or three weeks can have a detrimental effect on their person’s mental health and that adds a bigger load of caring responsibilities on the carer directly,” Ben said.

He recommends carers set up a Plan B, by checking whether alternative services are open and visiting ahead of time with the person they care for.

How can carers cope with the extra pressure at this time of year?

Ben says having an end-of-year wellness plan can really help carers cope with the holiday pressure. He suggests looking back at past years and asking, ‘How can I get through this festive season in a better way this time?’

“We suggest carers have a plan for themselves. It can include setting boundaries, planning some time out and making space for self-care,” Ben says.

“The first thing we usually discuss with carers is setting or negotiating boundaries, depending on what issues they might face, around social engagements and family members they don’t want to see, thinking ‘okay, how many hours can I be in that situation?’”

Ben recommends having these conversations early, so that everyone has time to reset their expectations.

He also reminds carers to take some time out for themselves.  “If you go through the 24th and 25th with family, block out the morning of Boxing Day for yourself, depending on what works for you. Being so social, can create something called a social hangover. People can feel emotionally drained,” Ben remarks.

Even small breaks can help. “Can you make an excuse for a 20-minute walk, or just go and have a shower, or go to the toilet – it’s a great excuse to take a break from everybody!” he adds laughing.

Ben says it’s also helpful to think ahead about how you’ll respond to tricky questions about your caring situation when preparing for family gatherings.  

 “If people are expecting the person is better, and they might not be, that can be tricky for the carer to address. People ask, ‘How is so-and-so going?’ and the carer wonders, ‘How do I respond to that? Do I even want to go into it?’”

He says it’s completely okay not to answer the question, and to rehearse a firm, clear answer, “like ‘I prefer not to talk about it now, but if you like we can we talk about this in January.’ Or you can have very simple answers prepared, like ‘it’s up and down, but we’re managing’.”

Finally, Ben encourages carers to plan something nice for themselves, either during the holiday season or in the new year. “It could be taking some time out for a massage or going for a walk on the beach. Planning something after Christmas helps give you something to look forward to that is for you. It’s an anchorage point for you in the future.”

Don’t forget, Arafmi’s 24/7 Carer Support Line is open every day throughout the holidays, including public holidays (1300 554 660 or 1800 351 881 from Regional Queensland). We can also offer one-on-one support, depending on staff availability.

How can carers help the person they support to deal with extra stress during the holidays?

A helpful way to support someone at this time of year is to create a simple end-of-year wellness plan together. This can include talking ahead of time about what they find difficult, asking what they think might help and planning small things that reduce stress.

A Plan B is also part of this wellness plan, a backup option for when regular supports aren’t available. Ben shared, “Seeing if there’s a service that is open and checking it out before the break, so the person has some kind of acquaintance with them.”

Other important parts of the plan include acknowledging that this time of year can feel difficult and listening to the person you care for with empathy and validation. It can also help to talk about boundaries around family expectations, such as agreeing on a maximum cost for gifts, planning ways to take time out if events become overwhelming, limiting time in stressful situations, scheduling rest days and choosing activities to look forward to.

How good is Ben at following this advice? 

 “I’m very bad at the over-indulgence stuff, because Christmas for me is all about the rich stuff, there’s cream everywhere, there’s sour cream, there’s butter, there’s good wine, so the over-indulgence stuff is not so great,” he confesses laughing.   

“But for all the rest it’s about managing expectations. We’re much better at that now, but it took a couple of Christmases to understand.” 

Which is a good reminder that it can take time to learn these skills, and put these plans into place – even for the instructor!

Hopefully, this has been a useful article, helping you think about putting these steps into a wellness plan, which can assist you and the person you support to feel more prepared, grounded and supported during the holiday period.